So now I am reading Natural Hormone Enhancement by Rob Faigin - my mind is a natural athlete, always competing to know... understand and make life work better. It takes my body sometime to catch up. I am dealing with so many issues at this time of life, self preservation, survival, growing younger as I age, financial independence, freedom to recreate myself, meeting new people who inspire and are inspired. Its as though those adolescent longings come into full longing bloom in the middle years, after the children are grown, a huge part of me feels now is my turn to blossom, explode, create. Is is that now or never feeling. Life seems shorter, briefer, more intense as you get older, when you are young unformed being you are dreaming, but now I am older, wiser, still vulnerable but more resilient, more determined to give my life its best shot.